Please Stop Calling me Supermom

Please stop calling me supermom.
I know you are trying to be kind.
I know you think it's a compliment.
And to maybe someone who isn't broken it might be.
But to me... it's just one more thing I can't live up to.
No one can..
But my type A personality
My Depression
My Self Doubt
My Anxiety
They all combine together and taunt me...
Look at them..
they think you're so amazing
Because you cooked dinner today...wow good job you
but how many times did you have to talk yourself out of just staying in bed today?
They think you're super but somedays you sit for hours crying
You know you're not super, you're not enough
You've never been enough
You're never going to be enough
You've always been just out the outside of everything looking in
Even for your kids you're not enough
You never will be
Just accept it now.
Stubborn me I fight back.
I want to earn that title you keep trying to give me
I want to be the supermom you THINK I am
And I take on too much trying to prove to myself I can be
I want so desperately to find my friends that everyone else seems to have
But I never quite fit in
I just not enough something
Not crunchy enough
Not gentle enough
Not Pro This Enough
Not Anti That Enough
Or too much of something else
Too Loud
Too Needy
Too Happy
Too Sad
Too Reserved
Too Honest
Too SOMETHING
Mostly Too Broken
I break all the things I touch
I reach out hoping "This Time" and then snap
So then I pull away and retreat
Because I can't hurt if I quit trying and I can't break what I don't go near
I am not super mom, someday's it's all I can be to just be mom.
I want to be all the things and do all the things
But I AM BROKEN
Don't tell me I am not... Because you don't feel the things I feel inside myself
I don't trust people anymore because I have hurt too many times
And I don't even trust myself anymore because every time I think I know someone and trust them I am wrong and now I can't even let myself fully trust.
I am not Supermom, I am not Super anything..
Except Maybe disappointing.
Maybe not to you...
But I am to myself.

The Birth Story of Baby G (Part 2)

         Induction day was upon us... when my alarm went off at 2am, I hadn't slept one bit and was exhausted physically and emotionally. Originally I had planned to have a nice big omelet for breakfast in preparation for a long day of getting a baby out, but I was too sick to my stomach to even try that, I chose to have a odwalla smoothie instead and a couple english muffins with butter as well as a nectarine. While Devon made himself coffee and loaded up the bags in the truck I took a hot shower and tried to wrap my mind around yet another induction. We were loaded up and on our way to the hospital by 3am. Devon tried to keep me out of my head while we drove, it didn't really work. I kept saying I changed my mind we could just turn around and go home and I would just tell doc today wasn't a good day for me. Devon just smiled and shook his head and held my hand.


              We got to the hospital and went in through the ER entrance and back to the nurses station. The nurses there looked at us like we were crazy and said a bit early aren't you. I was a tad confused and said "only 5min" as it was 3:55am and my induction was scheduled for 4am. They seem confused but said ok and led us back to the L&D and put us in our room. Where we sat and waited for Deb, our L&D nurse to come in. Only when she wasn't there by 4:30am I was starting to get worried that my doctor had forgot to inform her that the time had been changed from 6am to 4am. So I walked back out to the nurses station and asked if they had seen or heard from Deb and they said no. So I asked if they could call and explained that I thought maybe doctor Kraus hadn't informed her of the change in time of schedule. To which they told me they didn't even have a induction on the schedule that day and that they would call her. I walked back to my room and had a panic attack. Hospitals and I don't get along, I blame it on growing up in the damn things. Everyone I loved was always sick or on the verge of death and my memories of these moments make me not like hospitals very much.


             I practically bathed myself in peppermint oil and started coloring in my Harry Potter coloring book to help me distract myself. I was barely holding it together at this point when Deb finally got there at a little after 5am. She apologized profusely, she indeed hadn't been notified of the change. Although we found out later it wasn't Dr. Kraus who got the schedule messed up. Another nurse was told it was 4am and to tell Deb and then told Deb she called me and I said it was 6am... only she never called me. That nurse is lucky she wasn't there that day, I wasn't in a very forgiving mood. Deb took my vitals, checked me ( I was at 3cm and 60% and baby was -2 same as I had been at my appointment two days before) and started pit. I was barely holding it together at this point, I had been fighting off crying because I knew if I started I wouldn't stop and I needed to stay in control of myself. I had to manage my emotions and my mental state because I knew it would really affect the induction if I didn't. Deb asked me how I was doing and I looked at her and said I basically had a panic attack before you got here, and she said " well that explains your elevated bp".


           By 6am we had the pit going and I chose to just hang out in bed. After 4 other inductions I have learned to save my energy. I tend to spend the first couple hours of induction chilling out in bed being monitored so they have a nice strip on baby and I that way when the contractions get going I can get up and move around and have the energy to do so. My awesome nurse Deb kept coming in every 20min to up my pit level and occasionally take my vitals. By 8am my tailbone was killing me, man you would think they could make those damn beds more comfortable. At 8:01am I received a text from my amazing Doula Courtney, she said she was thinking of me and to keep her posted. I had been waiting to text her knowing she was on call for another mama who was even more over due then me and not wanting to bother her if she was resting when I knew she would need energy to make it through both our births. I let her know that we were finally getting a good contraction pattern going and what happened with the miscommunication on start time. She advised me to rest, to which I literally laughed out loud. I told her I couldn't rest in that bed even though I was laying on 6 pillows. I let her know I was just waiting on my doc to get there before her clinic appointments that morning and once the contractions got going I would get up and move around and that would help my pain level. I let her know that I was doing my best to rest, but that I just couldn't sleep. I had too much adrenalin pumping in my veins at that point. Told her I was just talking to baby G and sipping on cranberry juice.

        She asked how I was feeling, and I told her I was still feeling partially defeated but that I was trying to get past that. Explained about my panic attack earlier that morning and I think talking to her about it really helped. Said now I was mostly just impatient to hold my baby. I told her how thankful I was for my peppermint EO and that I was able to keep from crying because I was afraid if I started there would be no stopping it. But that I was doing better now and focusing on the positive. My sweet boy would be here soon to kiss. She encouraged me to stay focused on my prize and that made me smile.

         Dr. Kraus got there at around 8:30am and checked me again, at this point I had been on pit a little over 2hrs I was at 4cm and 60% effaced, Doc couldn't push baby out and was able to break my bag of waters, I only had one very small gush of fluids because baby G was so engaged. I updated Courtney and she asked about pit. I told her last time I knew I was at 18 my pain level was "maybe a 1" and only because I "am still in bed so my tailbone hurts" I told her I was wanting to save my energy (because lets face it I hadn't slept well in over a month and hadn't slept at all in 48hrs) until it actually starts to hurt (writing this I realize how crazy I am when I am having a baby lol) and that they were wanting to monitor a little longer since they just ruptured my bag of waters. Courtney suggested I utilize a peanut ball if they had one, which I had never used before. So I asked Deb if they had one and she said yes and brought it in for me. I told Courtney I was debating when to have her come up. My logic was I wasn't in pain yet but that I go so fast from 6 to 10 that I didn't want her to have to rush either ( boy was I right about that, should have listened to myself lol) I decided I would see where I was and how I was feeling at my next check and go from there. Courtney said that sounded like a good plan and let me know about how long it would take her to get up there. I told her I was staying hydrated and resting and snacking on light foods so I was good for now but that I would definitely give her a heads up. ( oh if only I knew)

         The peanut ball helped take the pressure off my tailbone and was comfortable at first but then it was putting pressure on my pubic bone and with Gibbs head moving down the birth canal I couldn't handle the pressure anymore, so it only lasted about 20min. At about 9:50am I got up out of bed and was up and walking around, it was way better then being in the dang bed. I had ENOUGH of that dang bed at that point. For the next hour I was up and moving around, I bounced on the exercise ball and walked around, I was rocking my hips and smiling and laughing with Deb and Devon. Deb told me I was much to happy to be in labor, lol. At 11:03 I texted Courtney.. Deb had checked me and of course there was no change. I am pretty sure it's because I sat in the bed so long :/ My back and pelvic bone were starting to hurt and I wanted to get in the tub so I'd asked Deb a little bit before to fill it up.

             Only when she went it to start filling it there wasn't any hot water. She went to find out why and found out there was a busted pipe, they had it almost fixed at that point but then we had to wait for the water to heat up. But I was able to get in the tub around 11 thankfully, the water wasn't as hot as I like but the warmth was giving me some relief at least. Courtney reminded me not to get discouraged that slow and steady wins the race. I was able to put some peppermint EO on my lower back which helped with the back labor. Courtney reminded me to stay focused on my breaths. I said I was trying and that it was a lot easier not to tense in the tub.  I was hoping to fill the tub up with some hotter water in 20min. I said that I was trying to temper my hopes because I had been hoping he'd be here by lunch and now I wasn't so convinced that was going to happen. I was worried about having another 13hr induction but that I was trying to relax and let the contractions do their thing.
(Apparently I did that really well)

         At 12:01 I texted Courtney if she could head up around lunch time ( but that she could feed her kiddos first ) that would be great because pain management was getting a bit difficult. Deb had come in and let me know that Doc would be over after lunch ( Around 12:40 ) to check me so I let Courtney know that. I was starting to have trouble moving through the contractions at this point. I stood next to the table Devon was sitting at and leaned forward palms down against the table moaning and swaying my hips side to side as the contractions peaked. When they'd fade I'd stand up and try to take one good deep breath before the next contraction hit and then I would lean into it again. I told Devon "Maybe I should get some IV pain meds" I am worried he's going to break my pubic bone and if that's going to happen I would rather have some pain meds in my system already. Devon looked at me like I grew a second head.. In 6 labors I have never mentioned pain meds.. Not even Aria's 13hour induction.

                Around this time I felt the need to pee again and asked Devon to let Deb know so if she lost babies heartbeat ( I was on the portable monitor) not to worry I was just going pee. Before I could get onto the toilet I could hear Deb hollering through the door, NANCY are you trying to poop! do you feel pressure.. I said well of course I do theres a head there but no I am just peeing you can open the door if you want to make sure, not like you aren't going to see it all anyway. She just laughed and said okay. I finished using the bathroom and came out. She looked at me and said you look different. What's your pain level and I said about a 4 and that's mostly because my pubic bone and tailbone are seriously feeling like they are going to crack. She goes well you don't look like you're a 4 and I said I don't know what to tell you because that's what my pain level is at.  She said are you sure you don't feel like you need to poop, and I said OF COURSE I DO but I have felt that way for 3hrs and there's been no change in the kind of pressure.

           Deb said why don't you get in the bed and I will check you and I said No I will wait until doc gets here. I kept saying I don't want to get in that bed until I have to, that if I get in the bed and you check me you will want to monitor me and then doc will want to check me and have me be monitored and I don't want to be stuck in that bed. She said okay hun. She kept asking me are you sure you are just a 4 and I kept saying yes. She finally said why don't you let me check you I promise doc won't check you again when she comes in and that you don't have to stay in the bed. I finally said ok, and walked to the bed. But instead of climbing in I bent over palms down on the bed like I had been on the table and swayed and just kept saying I don't want to get in the bed I don't want to get in the bed. Deb and Devon finally got me up and in the bed and I just kept saying I can't stay in this bed I can't stay in the bed. Deb checked me and I looked at her face trying not to be hopeful, she had a concerned look on her face and I said " I don't like that look " she looked at me and said Nancy your between 9 and 10 and 100% effaced. And I just starting melting down, I kept repeating I don't want to be in this bed I don't want to be in this bed, I can't get out of this bed. Deb said if you need to get out get out, I said I can't the baby will fall out.

             Deb went to call Doc and second on call nurse ( who by the way didn't make it and almost got a speeding ticket) And I decided the next best thing to getting out of the bed was to change position. so I sat up on my knees turned around and hung over the back of the bed. ( I honestly think he may have been posterior and my body knew I needed to birth in this position). I am crying that I need cold rags now... Hello transition.. and Devon is on it and has them on my neck and forehead asap. It was at this point I decided it would be a good idea to text Courtney. So at 12:27pm I texted her and said " Umm that was faster then I thought I'm and 9 and 100%" poor Courtney she had no chance, she was already on her way but there was no way she was going to make it. Doc comes running in the room followed closely by Deb, she says "I'm HERE, I don't know who's pants I am wearing but I'm here" ( I should note all the doctors at the clinic keep their scrubs in the same closet and since Doc was trying to hurry she just grabbed the first pair and threw them on lol) and I said well you're doing better than me cause I am not wearing any.... as my butt is completely hanging out. At this point I start to feel the ring of fire! Doc asked can you turn around and I say NO... No I can't move I can't move, I am repeatedly saying I am sorry... why I don't know.. transition sucks by the way. Doc says it's okay it's okay, baby is crowning, and I said I know I can FEEL THAT!! She says blow out the candle Nancy and I try and say that's not stopping this freight train...And That's it I am pushing and my cheering squad is telling me they see head, come on mama that's it. And Doc is saying which way do I pull and I am crying I don't know. Then his Shoulders are out and she's pulling him back to her. And He's out, Daddy looks at his watch and I am asking is he okay is he okay, and then he's screaming and I am crying and trying to look over my should and all I see is a dark little head. Doc says Nancy my life is never boring when you're around, I have never delivered a baby in that position and I said "me either" (man I am a smartass) They put Gibbs on the warmer table and daddy is standing with him taking care of him and Deb and Doc get me turned around and the placenta detaches and then I am crying I want my baby and I can't see him and doc is doing lamaze breathing with me and says only you do I not have to do breathing techniques during labor but after. They are working on me trying to make sure I don't start throwing clots (which I do, thankfully not to many) Devon is suctioning Gibbs who's gagging up amniotic fluid and the second nurse shows up to help with Gibbs, I am just crying I want my baby, I just want my baby. Finally the horrible after birth part is over, the shots administered in my thigh, I took my pill, I took the bag of pitocin, took my pain meds (just one dose) so my bp doesn't spike into unsafe range. And my prize is in my arms all 8lbs 8.5oz of perfection. He's perfect. I can't stop kissing him and it's all worth it. Every painful second of the last 40weeks and having to be induced again... From texting Courtney that I was 9cm and 100% to time of birth... 8min Gibbs does things on his own time and he like his siblings had to be evicted and then made his way into this world like a freight train.. there was no stopping him. About  25min later Courtney gets there and we introduce her to our little man, she stayed and helped with breastfeeding and took beautiful images of our little man and our other sweet kiddos and grammy and great grandpa all meeting our newest baby Benson. We are so thankful to our amazing birth team and my wonderful mom Sylvia for their support and help. And all of us our absolutely smitten with the newest member of the Benson Bunch. His story isn't how I would have written it given the choice, but it's just the story meant for him.

Gibson Eugene Benson

May 13th 2016 12:35pm

8lbs 8.5oz 21in

The Birth Story Of Baby G (Part 1)

Before we get to the nitty gritty of his actual birth a little back story. When Devon and I decided to try for baby Benson #7 we had hoped for a June or July baby, well Daddy was in quite the baby making hurry and as we know we ended up with a May due date.. May 11th in fact, Big bubba Jaydons birthday. I knew He was baby G the second I was pregnant with him, I knew in my heart I was already pregnant and I knew that baby was a boy. We already had a boys name and a girls name, I would have been content not finding out, Daddy not so much. I called My Doctors office as soon as I got the positive pregnancy test because I know my doctor books pretty far out, I was about 4weeks so I called and scheduled for a 9week appointment. My appointment went perfect and I discussed with my doctor how far overdue she was comfortable with me going before inducing (due to my history of bleeding heavily and throwing clots) she said she would give me up to four days past my due date. I had walked into the office with the date May 13th in my head, two days passed my due date, a Friday the 13th (which Grandpa was born on a Friday the 13th and since Gibbs was going to be sharing his middle name why not share that too) and since four days past due would have been a Sunday and My doctor doesn't work on Sunday. So I made peace (or tried to) with the decision to be induced on Friday May 13th and put it on my schedule. I then went about doing anything and everything in my power to prep my body to go into natural labor prior to that date, including saying a lot of prayers and talking to baby G. The months passed slowly... until finally I was almost full term, 38weeks. By this point I was in a lot of pain, more than my normal amount I was having lots of painful contractions but nothing that were consistent. Then two days before the 38 week mark I starting contracting pretty regularly. I was hopeful it was early labor, They started late Sunday night but I was able to function through them and continue to somewhat sleep at night, I went to my 38 week check up on Wednesday that week, Gibbs hadn't been moving very much that day and my pain had increased to the point I couldn't drive myself to my appointment so my doctor sent me over for a NST. I was monitored and told I was contracting every 1-2min they checked me again and there was no change so I was sent home the nurse said I bet you will be back by 3am to deliver this baby. I didn't sleep that night because the pain had increased, I continued to work through these and I was slowly getting my hopes up that I would get to have this baby from a spontaneous natural labor as I had prayed. Thursday the pain was getting difficult (by my standards) and I asked my doula what I should do, she suggested seeing my Chiropractor. So I loaded up all 6kids and took them by myself to his office for a last minute appointment that he was so kind to squeeze me in for before catching a plane. I prayed maybe baby was mispositioned and this would either get him lined up and stop the contractions so I could rest or get the show on the road, the adjustment helped my back pain but didn't touch the contractions. By Friday I was no longer hopeful, I hadn't slept since Tuesday night and the pain was as bad as full blown labor but I knew I wasn't progressing. I called my doctor and said something wasn't right and she said get up here to be seen now. So I loaded up all 6kids and drove myself to Newport to be seen at L&D to figure out what was wrong. Thankfully my mom had a appointment in Newport with our doctor (yes we share a doctor,  we both obviously have good taste) she came straight from her appointment to the hospital to watch the kids. My doctor knew I wasn't in labor, I knew I wasn't in labor, but the nurse (not my normal nurse) apparently thought she knew better so I walked into a room set up for delivery. The Nurse looked at me with a huge smile and said if you're a four we are admitting you, I looked at her and said I won't be.. She checked me and her face went from yay I get to help deliver a baby to oh shit in about 5seconds. She looked at me and said no change since Wednesday. She ran some tests and while that was being done I had a good breakdown, I felt so defeated. Come to find out I had a bladder infection so I was put on antibiotics. It took about 24hrs for those to kick in. At this point I had been contracting for a week and hadn't slept in 4days, my body pretty much felt like I had already given birth, my uterus was tired and so sore and still had the weight of a baby in it. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and defeated. It was at this point I became extremely thankful for my amazing doula who kept me from falling over the brink of those feelings. My amazing mom who listened and repeatedly told me just what I needed to hear. For my friends who instinctively knew when I needed a random pick me up message, and for my husband who was doing all he could to ease my discomfort and stress. But despite my amazing team of support I still felt like a failure. I prayed and prayed for my baby to come and I begged and pleaded and cried with my baby. I asked my mom, I said mom I am trying so hard to give this to God and tell myself all in God's time, but why won't God pick a birthday for my baby why do I keep having to pick them. And in all her strength, grace and mother's wisdom she said to me if God didn't want that day to be your child's birthday honey the induction wouldn't work. By my 39th week appointment I had given up, I was no longer attempting to convince Gibbs to come. I decided I would rather rest and do nothing and let him come if it was his will and be rested for labor then wear myself out and have it do no good. I was defeated, I felt broken, I was tired and sore and done. I was dreading the countdown on my phone that said "Nancy's Probable Induction date". I had 3 easy and "quick" inductions and then Aria which was a 13hr induction and at hour 12 I sort of lost it. I dreaded induction again, I was scared it would be even longer, I was worried about how much pain I had been in at the end of this pregnancy and what it meant my pain would be like for labor. I was angry, I wanted the beautiful births I read about where the women wake up in labor and labor at home and go in to be 8cm and having a baby in under 4 hours. I felt cheated, this was my 7th child, why couldn't one of my kids please just cooperate, why didn't my body work like it was supposed to, why was I broken. May 11th rolled around, I tried so hard to be joyous my baby was 8, all he wanted was his baby brother to be born, I felt horrible that I couldn't make his wish come true. I spent all morning crying and unable to stop, Devon hadn't planned on going with me to my appointment that day since he would be taking Friday off for my induction, but when I showed up to switch vehicles he looked at me and said want some company? He knew I needed the support, I went up to my appointment just trying to accept the inevitable. I walked in, did all the normal appointment stuff and then discussed the induction with my doc. It was decided I would come in at 4am instead of 6am in case I had another long labor. I made this agreement on the condition that if I had him early enough and baby and I were both doing fine we could go home after my doctors 6hr minimum required monitoring time. I went home and tried to make it through the rest of the day with a smile on my face for the birthday boy. Thursday I was awake by 3am and unable to fall back to sleep but still I did everything I needed to get done, did laundry, cleaned the house, washed the dog, cleaned out the fridge, finished grocery shopping fielded all the questions and comments about baby, and made the decision not to share I was being induced so I wouldn't have to field all the comments or opinions on it. I had a good talk with my back up back up doula Thursday night after dropping off the kids, and tried to go to sleep since we had to be up at 2am...... ( Part 2 soon...induction)

They Grow

When we are young all we want to do is hurry up and grow up. But then when we do and we become parents..
We hope
We Pray
We wish...
For our kids to stay little for awhile longer.. But they don't.. They too must grow.
It's bittersweet really.
Because watching them grow into young respectable little individuals we have raised them to be is pretty amazing. But we also wish they'd just stay little babies for awhile longer.
Eventually we have to give them a little room to spread their wings, let them take steps to be their own person. It starts slow and grows quickly just like they did.

            Today I took my first step into letting my daughter spread her wings. My oldest is 8 and today she went to day camp for Girl Scouts from 9am-4:30pm I won't be with her and she's not with her Daddy or another family member. It's scary for both of us. I am a very protective mom and she's never done anything like this before, so it's new for both of us. But we both needed this warm up... Because in ONE MONTH she's doing actual camp...4 days without me...four days away from me...not within a 5minute drive...No she will be 2hours away.. Hopefully she will be having fun and laughing and not missing me. Because she's a kid and that's what kids should do. Have fun at camp and make great memories. But I will be home, filled with worry and missing her like crazy. I know I have to let her spread her wings a little at a time. So she can learn to fly. I am sure she will stumble (and scare me greatly) a time or two in learning to fly. But I also know that in the end she will take to the sky and be strong, independent and beautiful.. Just the way I raised her to be. I have to remind myself that by taking a step back..even just a little one..letting her have some freedom... It's a good parenting choice...Even if it does break my heart a little. Because inside, deep down in the heart of me, where I grew her and loved her as much as my next breath.. I will always need that connection and always pray she stays little. But I will make the choice that is hard for me, because it's right for her.

We are babies and then we grow..
We make babies and they too Must grow.
#circleoflife

Summer Time Bucket List

It's offically summer here at the Benson house

(although considering my kids are doing 5pages a day in their workbooks by choice you wouldn't know it)

And As a family we made a list of things we want to do this summer

So here is our Summer 2015 Bucket list

Tball banquet 

(Already done and it was a blast)

GS family BBQ 

(Done and Cherry earned her super seller award and registered for a day camp and a full camp with her Cookie dough money she earned from Cookie sales :) we are so proud of her)

(Yes my kids consider these things treats because playing and participating in sports and activities is a privilege)

We of course will have weekly (when we remember) movie nights as well as weekly game nights! 

( our new traditions thanks to the kids getting older)

Going to spend the weekend at grandpas Both as groups of Girls/boys 

and do down river days as a family 

(boys already spent their weekend with Grandpa)

Possibly going to Boise for the weekend ( for daddy's work)

Silverwood 

😄

 (our first time ever at a theme park for the kids and they had a blast! so did mommy and daddy)

Then I let each kid choose one thing they absolutely WANT to do this summer

Cherry- hiking

Jaydon- family day at Aquatic center

Mack- Drive in Movie (in daddy's truck)

Emmit- wonderland 

Gracie- möbius hands on

The boys picked a father son activity 

Fishing with daddy

And the girls picked lunch out with mommy

Then we are writing down other maybe ideas... (Here's what we have)

Möbius science

Day at CDA lake

Tripleplay (this is a me choice lol)

Silver mountain (again me)

Day at riverfront park

Learn something new as a family

Fro Yo date (we've never had it)

Ice cream date

Camping (this probably won't happen but I told them we'd put it on the list)

Dinner out as a family

Trip to farmers market

Trip to green bluff

Dance party in Daddys truck

A star Gazing night in Daddys Truck

Sidewalk Chalk party

Big homemade Bubbles in the yard

We've already started marking off some stuff from the list as you can see :) 

plus we have done some pretty awesome stuff that wasn't on the list.

While the boys went to have their Grandpa weekend Cherry and Devon had their 

"Father/Daughter" date (I bought them tickets to Jurassic world as Devons fathers day present)

And Gracie, Aria and I had a tea party complete with sweet treats from "Frostings" a local bakery

We are super excited to make memories this summer and take time to enjoy this life we've created.

We hope this inpires you to make a list of your own and make memories of your own.

With love 

The Benson Bunch

Fathers Day 2015

Father's day 2015

The best way to sum it up would be a clusterfuck

Is it sad when the best part of your day is the part where you're at work...

Probably...

I had all these grand fun plans and ideas...

And life sucks and people suck and none of them went as planned.

But alas my Husband has a good fathers day...

Even if I was a bundle of stress and frustration.

And that's what matters...

And I did manage to get some photos :)

So instead of going into detail about why I was overwhelmed with Frustration and irritation yesterday

I will just share some super cuteness

Just gonna leave these right here...

Happy Father's day to two very imporant awesome men

My hubby and His Grandpa

(ps. Sorry I haven't shared our Summer bucket list yet, I will post it soon)

The Countdown to School being out

It's almost "Offically" Summer

                Despite the fact that we have been summer like weather for over a month, and by summer like weather I mean 80 plus degree weather it's not summer until school is out.  Two more days until school is out for the summer break. We have a busy week so hopefully the days pass quickly. For my kids I hope they don't pass two quickly. I remember being their age and being excited for summer, while also being sad school was ending. This year is bittersweet for my children, as they won't be returning to Longfellow Elementary next year. 

               Daddy and I have talked and discussed homeschooling the kids to death for the last two years. It's been something my heart was very drawn too. I absolutely love my kids teachers but they are not given the support and funding they need and they are over taxed. There isn't much I can do about this that I haven't already done. We voted for the funding and smaller class sizes.. It passed, and Yet here we are.. teachers still haven't gotten a pay raise, they don't have smaller class size, or extra help in the classroom, or the funding to help our children. We stood by our teachers in their walk out, I completely agreed with them standing up for OUR KIDS. But alas after two years struggling with wether I could do this, or if I'd be biting off more then I could chew.. I sat and I prayed and I thought... Let go and Let God. 

                Homeschooling my children has been something I have been drawn to do and I am finally jumping in to do it. We made the offical decision last week and talked to our kids about it. I explained why I wanted to homeschool them, all the ways it's different then public school, and they were excited. God bless their little hearts, that was one big relief for me. We have started to organize and purging our basement in preperation for having a designated learning space. I have joined some homeschooling groups. I have spent the last couple years bugging all those I knew that homeschooled getting the low down and preparing myself for this. I am not going in with my eyes closed. My nerves are slowing leaving me about this decision as I jump into this new chapter of our life. 

             But alas we are still excited for the countdown to school to end. We have Jaydons tball banquet tonight, and then tomorrow we have to get everything ready for this weekend. Thursday is the last day of school and school get's out at 1:30 and Jaydon has his Shriners appointment at 2:30 and then the boys will be going to Grandpa's for the weekend, I don't know who's more excited, Grandpa or the boys lol. We have Cherry's GS Family BBQ Thursday night. Then the girls and I get to have a mommy/daughter day on Friday, and we kick off the first weekend of Summer with three photo shoots on Saturday as well as a BBQ and a photo Shoot on Sunday and a Family Fathers day Dinner :) We are very excited for all the things we are doing this summer! What is your family looking forward to most this summer? My kids and I made a Summer Bucket list!!! I will be posting it on my next blog post :) Here's to summer 2015!!!