Please stop calling me supermom.
I know you are trying to be kind.
I know you think it's a compliment.
And to maybe someone who isn't broken it might be.
But to me... it's just one more thing I can't live up to.
No one can..
But my type A personality
My Depression
My Self Doubt
My Anxiety
They all combine together and taunt me...
Look at them..
they think you're so amazing
Because you cooked dinner today...wow good job you
but how many times did you have to talk yourself out of just staying in bed today?
They think you're super but somedays you sit for hours crying
You know you're not super, you're not enough
You've never been enough
You're never going to be enough
You've always been just out the outside of everything looking in
Even for your kids you're not enough
You never will be
Just accept it now.
Stubborn me I fight back.
I want to earn that title you keep trying to give me
I want to be the supermom you THINK I am
And I take on too much trying to prove to myself I can be
I want so desperately to find my friends that everyone else seems to have
But I never quite fit in
I just not enough something
Not crunchy enough
Not gentle enough
Not Pro This Enough
Not Anti That Enough
Or too much of something else
Too Loud
Too Needy
Too Happy
Too Sad
Too Reserved
Too Honest
Too SOMETHING
Mostly Too Broken
I break all the things I touch
I reach out hoping "This Time" and then snap
So then I pull away and retreat
Because I can't hurt if I quit trying and I can't break what I don't go near
I am not super mom, someday's it's all I can be to just be mom.
I want to be all the things and do all the things
But I AM BROKEN
Don't tell me I am not... Because you don't feel the things I feel inside myself
I don't trust people anymore because I have hurt too many times
And I don't even trust myself anymore because every time I think I know someone and trust them I am wrong and now I can't even let myself fully trust.
I am not Supermom, I am not Super anything..
Except Maybe disappointing.
Maybe not to you...
But I am to myself.
