My Biggest Accomplishments

Many people have told me...that I was to young...that I was ruining my life.

That I should go to college first.

That I should be young first.

That I should explore first.

But they were WRONG....

You are all my greatest accomplishments.

 You are my youth..chasing you through snow and listening to your laughter..

What better way for me to be young then playing with you as you grow.

You help me explore...

When I am with you the world is more than what it is..

 The grass is a jungle where we crawl on our bellies to avoid the hunters stalking us...

The Night is a mystery filled with stories and laughter.

The Lake is a Secret World filled with Merpeople and Pirates...

They are the ones devoid of youth...

They are the ones who regret their choices so are trying to tell me how to make mine.

But I don't regret my choices...

I cherish them...all of them..

Because without my choices, I wouldn't be who or where I am today.

And I wouldn't have any of you.

You are my way to better this world.

To bring laughter and Joy to the lives of others.

To bless the universe with beauty and love.

You are my world...my blessings...

 The Best parts of me.

When I feel sorry for myself...

When I feel down in the dumps...

When my world is turned upside down...

I have you...

Each and everyone of you.

You make my world prefect...

Because you are beyond all imprefections...

You are my Children...the best and most important accomplishments of my life.

Prepping...

So the reality and Joy of Having five kids Is...

There is never any down time...

That means that although my post about Jaydon is current...

And although it scares me...

I don't have time to dwell on it...

I have five million and one things to accomplish in an average day.

Today that is such a blessing.

This week has been hard and therefore I am behind on my editing.

Which means I currently have 7 sessions I need to finish not including the wedding I shot last Month.

And I am also throwing a Halloween Party for the kids tomorrow...

Have to let them be kids <3

And in doing these things...my mind is far to occupied to worry or stress.

And by the time I hit the hay at night...my body is to wore out to let my mind dwell to much.

And I am very thankful for these things.

 So on a happier note...

Tomorrow I get to watch my babies have their first Halloween party <3

I am as excited as they are  <3

I currently have 2 cakes in the oven and soon to follow is pumpkin cookies

and even thinking about doing cupcakes as well :)

But most enjoyably I am making my Daddys Meatloaf tonight...

YUMMY :)

Hope everyone is having a great Day

The Benson Bunch

-Hey there all my lovely Followers-

So I know that those of you that actually know me, know that the last couple days 

Well the last couple months really have been pretty difficult.

You also are aware that we got some tough news yesterday.

And I know many of you are wanting to know what is going on.

I also know some of you do not know the story of how we got to where we are today.

So lets start from the beginning so we can all get on the same page.

Six years ago we found out were expecting another baby.

We Had a Beautiful little girl and we very excited when we went in for our 16week check up 

and found out we were expecting a bouncing baby boy.

Everything was normal up to that ultrasound.

Great Heart Rate, Great Growth, He was prefect.

The Ultrasound was normal during the procedure...

But three days later 

We found out that all was not normal, We got a call we never expected.

And our entire world changed.

They told us there was an anomoly and we needed to be seen by a specialist.

We went in a week later and saw the specialist and got another high tech ultrasound.

They didn't let us leave, they told us there was something wrong 

and we would need to speak to a Genetic Counsler.

I won't go into the disgusting behavior of that counsler..

But I will tell you we were told Jaydon had either had Down Syndrome 

or Trisomy of the 18th Chromosome. 

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edwards_syndrome )

And that he showed no outward signs of downsyndrome

and would likely not live once he was born.

They wanted us to get an Amnio so they could find out what was wrong.

But I refused stating that my child has a low chance of survivial I am not going to 

let you preform an uncessary test that carries a high risk of miscarriage and preterm labor.

When I finally went into Labor at 42wks and 2days I was petrified...

But I had a plan I would give birth to my sweet boy and his daddy and I and Sissy would love him for every

moment we were blessed to have him.

Daddy and I had already agreed if it was Genetic we would not be having anymore children.

But then....

I gave Birth To a handsome NOT SO LITTLE man

Jaydon Zane Benson

Born 5/11/2008

9lbs 3oz 21 3/4in

And he was PREFECT...God there was everything so prefect about him

He came out screaming and wiggling and the nurse handed him to me..

And I looked down into his big beautiful eyes and I was in love.

And then I went to hand him to his Daddy and a nurse swooped him and grabbed him.

I nearly lunged off the bed. I had already told them how it was supposed to be.

He was supposed to be handed straight to me and then I was going to put him in his Daddy's arms 

and big sissy was to come in and be with him.

But they took him and put him in the warming bed and ran out of the room with him.

And I panicked...He was prefect and they were taking him away.

My blood pressure skyrocketed and I screamed at Devon to follow them.

Devon went running out of the room as I was bleeding out on the table.

I didn't calm down until I was reminded I needed to get the bleeding to slow down,

I had Cherry to think about to.

And then I got the text.

He had respiatory distress and he had to have a breathing tube.

He was in the NICU.

But he was okay...for now.

They ran their tests..but they didn't know what was wrong.

They just knew it wasn't genetic disorder.

The next couple years was filled with Nuerologists, Therapy, and more Questions than answers.

There have been Many triumphs.

When he said mama and dada for the first time.

His First smile. When he Walked at 15months.

Everytime he did what they said he never would be able to we jumped for joy.

We watched him grow...so in love with the little man God had blessed us with.

But for every triumph

There were stumbles and Mountains

We found He was extrememly farsighted. 

That he might need exteremly painful bone surgery, every couple years.

And so on and so forth.

We kept on going strong as a family not letting any of it hold us back.

He went to pre-school.

He had all the fun other kids had and did all the things other kids did...

He just had to work 10times harder.

But he reached milestone after milestone.

And our Family grew :)

He took very well to being a big bubba

And then in Nov. 2011

We Moved to Eastern Wa

And we started rebuilding his medical team

And we got a New nuerologist...who finally had a diagnosis

After looking at his prior MRI results for not even five minutes she said..

He had a stroke in utero...

We still don't know why...nor will we ever

But at least we knew what.

And then we Moved to Spokane in January

And he started getting therapy and things were looking up

And then school started

and suddenly Jaydon wasn't adapting well.

And he was acting out.

He was getting violent and misbehaving

Which is not at all like my Jaydon

 And so we had to re-evaluate his IEP

and things like ADHD

and Dyslexia

and Learning Disorders

started being discussed..

And my world felt upside down

and before I could fully process that...

The puking started...and my instincts screamed that something wasn't right

but I was scared I didn't want to put him through more tests.

My poor boy was tired...

So tired and I could see it everyday in his face and his actions.

But when we went in for our yearly visit with his Nuerologist, she said we should get and EEG

and we did...

And Yesterday we got the results...

And once again my world turned upside down...

Jaydon has Epilepsy...

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epilepsy )

Typing that...admitting it...facing it...

It's scary...

Now I know you want to say

It's treatable..

It could be worse..

You'll make it through...

 I NEED you to remember...what I said 8 lines up

My world has turned upside down...

Does anybody know the theory about that...

Given three days and everyting will look right again...

I need TIME...that is what I am asking...

I know it could have been worse..

But this is my baby...

I grew him inside of me..

We will never know what caused his stroke...

But his stroke IS what caused everything else...

And I had one job as his mother...

Keep him safe and grow him healthy.

It could have been anything...

Me having a cold...me laying wrong..

and it may not have been anything I did...

BUT it doesn't matter how many times you tell me it's not my fault or that I shouldn't blame myself

I will ALWAYS feel like it is and I will always blame myself.

It's not that I don't love everything about my son and everything he is.

He is prefect to me...

But this is my baby...

given a choice I would not have chosen to make his path more difficult.

To not make it easy for him to be a kid.

And yes I know I am not the one who gets to make that choice.

That's obvious or we wouldn't be having this little explination.

God made that choice.

And God doesn't give anyone more than they can handle. 

But that doesn't mean that I can't bulk under the pain of the burden.

It doesn't mean I can't ache for my baby to have a simpler childhood and be able to play soccer with his sister, instead of having to tell him not this year baby.

Cause I know after therapy 4days of week outside of school.

As well as at school and full day kindergarten...

He doesn't have the energy or strength to let him do something that he actually WANTS to do.

But now he has one more obstacle to endure.

And THAT is what I am dealing with.

It's not just a treatable diagnosis to me..

IT IS MY BABY... It is HIS LIFE...

And each time we deal with something I think okay I can handle this...

Okay we will be okay..He wil be okay

we have him and we are blessed because he is here...

But DAMN it I AM HUMAN okay...

I am allowed to ache...

Because this isn't just some treatable condition to me...

It's my child...it's MY son..

It's his life...

And it's a painful reminder that no matter what I do...no matter how I pray..

This isn't my choice it's not in my hands...

It's in Gods...and Given time I will accept that

and I will trust in him as I have done with every other step of this we have been through...

But you need to remember I am Human and this is my baby...

and it's a reminder to me...that I never know what's around the corner

and lately all it is has been more for my poor child to overcome...

For my baby to deal with...

and now I am scared...WHAT ELSE...

That is what is scaring me...

And yes it is treatable...

He will be starting his medicine tomorrow

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxcarbazepine )

 And I pray he doesn't have the very rare side effect...

But the very common side effect is Drowsiness...

Because that's just what my overly worked baby needs...

I get it...

It's not earth shattering...To you

But he is five and I have to tell him no 

when he is working so hard...

To do what your child can do much easier...

So Judge me if you must..

But judge me not for my weakness...

If you must Judge me for my strength...

The strength of my love as a mother...

-GOD BLESS-

The Benson Bunch

*I might hurt I might cry,

 I might shake in fury as I scream why...

But when the thurder has left my veins,

When my hurt and anger drains...

There you will be sweet and loved,

A gift sent from God above.

He gave me you in the dark of night,

A broken body but a faith so bright.

Your heart is loving and your soul is whole,

You have helped me learn and heal my soul.

I know I am weak but you make me strong,

And you are the story God had for me all along.

So I bow my head as my weak heart bleeds,

For I will pray to be the mother my child needs.

God gave me you so I must be worthy,

Because the love I feel is unearthly.

You are a piece of the family God built for me,

You are the strength within I forever need.

-Nancy Benson

Oct. 25th 2013

- I may have my moments of weakness but that is the Joy of my life...When I am weak I have others

who hold me up. Those that bring me Joy and help be have faith.

We are a family and we are strong

We will overcome this and anything else that comes our way...

TOGETHER

Loving Fall

Hey all my peeps :) I wonder how fall is treating you this year :) I hope this post finds you and yours doing well. The Benson Bunch well it's had it's ups and downs but overall we are loving Fall :) So Far We have dealt with The issues with Jaydon (that's never ending but we love him and he is worth every moment) all 7 of us having the stomach bug...oh yes lots of joy cleaning up after lots of puking people while I was puking lol :) fun times ;) and two of the kiddos (Mack and E) having Impetigo lol but I managed to keep that one from spreading<3 Thank Goodness lol. Cherry has been fully enjoying not only school which she is rocking getting prefect marks on behavior and grades but Soccer and Girl Scouts as well :) In fact she is in the middle of her Fall Fundraiser for Girl Scouts. Mack is now three (my how the time flies) and is offically on the waiting list for preschool. He just got his testing done along with Emmit and Gracie and all three of them are MONTHS above their age development levels :) They are all much enjoying birth to three and the special time with mommy and daddy while the other two are at school. We have so much fun stuff in the plans for this fall and winter that we want to do with the kids. We are trying to get a Mobius kids Muesum family pass and we are still hoping to join the YMCA as well. I am gonna be going to a field trip with Cherry's class to the pumpkin patch and we also hope to take the kids as a family this year :) and Tomorrow we are getting our family photos done <3 which I am SO EXCITED FOR!!!! Plus we are planning our first but hopefully soon to be annual Halloween Party. Come November Cherry has a Father Daughter Dance which she is SO excited about. And December oh but I how I can not believe my baby girl is gonna be 7! Just thought I would update all of you on our season so far :) be ready for some Awesome pictures soon <3
All our Love
The  Benson Bunch

The Reality of my last Month

As some of you are aware I have asked for prayers a couple times in the last month and have stated I was not ready to speak as to why yet. This last month has been extremely rough on our family and it has been a process and a long one. One that is still on going but I figured it was time to let everyone know because I know how much you all care about our family. September started in a rush of excitement and paperwork getting the older two ready for school and the younger three enrolled in birth to three. The older two were so excited for school and Daddy and I were excited for them. until the second week of school, when they went to full day Kindergarten classes for Jaydon. And we started getting the reports....Violent behavior, not focusing, refusing to participate, dissapearing from Music, PE, Recess...a Danger to himself... Our son was not adapting to kindergarten at all. He had slipped through the cracks in Pre-School he wasn't ready for this stress. He wasn't on this level and now we had a problem...A big one... Testing was insued and the behavioral issues proceeded and increased. Now anyone who knows my Jaydon and has spent time with him knows two important things he is kind and he is stubborn...these actions were not my Jaydon...not the boy I know and loved. He was hitting and being mean to his siblings (don't worry not that baby) and acting out at home, school, therapy, even Grammy and Gampa's...It was progressive and agressive and we were at a loss. We were doing everything we could but that change had happened and it wasn't going away. It's been a long month with Physcologist, Nuerologists, Therapists, Teachers, special education workers, para educators...the whole nine yards...So many words were thrown into our world. ADD..ADHD..Austim...Dyslexia...stress factors..Cognative impairment...behavioral issues..and overwhelmed... WE were over whelmed...what did this mean for our son..what could WE do how could we make it better for him. We NEVER blamed him...this wasn't his fault...WE are his advocates and we missed this... and this behavior was his only way to show us something wasn't right for him. When WE can find the right fix he will be the same Jaydon again I just know it. Does that mean I let him get by with this behavior...NO..because he needs to learn to adapt to communicate with his words...not by outbursts I can not allow him to think this is acceptable way to communicate because then he might not go back to my sweet loving child and that is a thought I can not bare.... This last ten days have been the worst...He has been having violent throwing up episodes at night and when we met with his Nureologists it was decided these might be seizures. Daddy had unexplained Seizures as a child starting at about Jaydons age and not ending until he was about 8 and they never knew why or when they would happen. Jaydons diagnosis makes him more supseptable to these then the other children...and now our worst nightmares are becoming a possibility. We have just today recieved some testing answers. Thank God his Cognitive scores were normal (on the low side of normal but normal none the less, the physcologists believe it was only on the low side because of his inability to conentrate and that it is actually much higher then his test scores THANK GOD) However he did test positive for High scores of ADHD...we are not sure of our course of action on this yet because we now must also get a EEG done to test for Seizures...These factors mean a lot of things when combined together and we don't know how it will all work out. But our children are our top priority and our family and Marriage is strong there is nothing in this world we can not handle if we face it together. Cherry has already started "Tutoring" her brother because he responds to her better than anyone else and she wants to help. Daddy and I spend extra time with our other Children when he is at school letting things like dishes and vaccuming slide until they are all in bed at night because we do not want them to feel like they are any less important and when Jaydon is home we have to give him a little extra attention. I am making sure to stay very active in Girl Scouts and Soccer for Cherry so she also feels like she is getting a equal share of our attention. This means a lot of Change for our family but one we will handle. We will try to keep you all updated but it is something I will want to discuss a lot because it is something that hurts very deeply. Logically I know I didn't do this to my son...but emotionally I am his mom I should have been able to protect him...in Utero and now...so it's something I feel personally responsible for no matter how much I know I shouldn't...and telling me I shouldn't isn't going to change that. So for those of you who have been sending prayers our way Thank you and please continue to do so God Bless you all for your thoughts and Prayers