Goodbye 2013 and Hello 2014

Okay so I wasn't going to do this whole oh it's the end of the year thing...

But then I looked through my pictures..not even all of them..Just my mobile uploads on facebook...

And I realized...2013 had more ups then downs even if those downs were hard..

And those up and downs are worth remembering SOOOO...

here we go... 2013 summed up..

We started the year with Emmit turning one...

Where did the time go...he grew so fast...

Life was pretty sad at this point...Devon was working 60hr weeks...

And as much as his job was a blessing, we were still up with Grandpa and Devon was in Spokane..

And the kids and I didn't handle it well..

We searched and searched and searched...

And Finally on January 28th our prayers were answered...God provided and we came across the most awesome landlord..

And moved into our first house...

 <3 home sweet home <3

And it was so wonderful to finally be together as a family again

Then on February 8th, just two days after bringing the last boxes to the house...

We went to the hospital 

and Welcomed our beautiful Gracelynn Irene Benson to the world

 And she was prefect.....

We brought her home and everyone fell in love <3

We watched her grow and watched her siblings adore her

Then Our boy Turned 5 

Happy Birthday J-Man :)

And we were so happy 

Jaydon "Graduated" Pre-school and 

Cherry Graduated Kindergarten

And we were so PROUD of them both :)

And my sissy Came to Visit :)

I love you sissy

Then we spent the summer enjoying parks and the sunshine and playing in our backyard

Summer was awesome and We even went on our first Family Vacay

back to Western Wa

Got to take the kids to a fruit stand for the first time :)

We also bought our new truck :)

 And our newest Family member Colt :)

Then the kids started School First the older Two in Sept.

 Then Mack in November..

How fast they have Grown

 Cherry started and rocked her first soccer season

 We finally got to take the kids to a pumpkin patch..and I use that term lightly

Mack Turned Three

 Cherry Turned 7 and had a sleepover

 Emmit has become a little talker and loves his baby sissy

And Gracie is 10months and still my crazy little face maker

 We got Family pictures done

 My silly kids I love them lol

 Aren't they too cute for words

 And I fell even more in love with my hubby..If that is even possible :)

And We had a very blessed Christmas

...The entire year wasn't prefect..

There were plently of down..

I just chose not to highlight them...

because 40yrs from now it won't be the van breaking down that I remember..

Or Jaydon being diagonosed with Epilepsy..

I will sadly remember the loss of our baby...

But I wanted to focus on all of our blessings..

And let me tell you this just barely scapped the top of them..

They don't Call them Highlights for nothing..

2013 was pretty amazing

and 2014 will be to..

because no matter what is behind us or what lies ahead of us..

We will face it all as a family

So bring it on 2014

the Benson Bunch is Ready and Waiting ;) 

HAPPY NEW YEAR 

From our Family to Yours  

Craft Two of Our Crafty Christmas

I didn't get to post yesterday cause we had a very busy day :)

But we did indeed Make a Second Day Craft

We Made a Cookie Plate for Santa

Or should I say Cherry and Jaydon and I did :)

We let the little boys color on Paper :)

This was also a budget friendly Craft.

  We bought a plain white plate from Dollar Tree

and A Package of multi colored permenant markers

And I Wrote the words I wanted around the edge and the Kids deocrated it

Then we Put it in the oven at 350 for 40minutes :)

And let it cool and TADA

Santa cookie Plate

We hope you have fun making your plate...

And making Memories <3

The Benson Bunch

Craft One of Our Crafty Christmas

As the mom of five that means I am on a budget...

Which means when I do crafts I have to keep it relatively cheap.

And Yes that does mean I save toilet paper rolls and babyfood jars and you might want to as well..

Because we will be getting to those crafts sometime this month as well.

Our First Craft for the Christmas Season are easy and cheap and fun.

You will Need Those plastic snowflakes from the dollar store 

Then you will want to buy bingo doppers as well

I got mine from the dollar store and in total for snowflakes and bingo doppers this craft cost me $6

 

 I got red, blue, purple, and green because that's what my store had.

 If your kids are enthusiatic this might get messy...

in otherwords make sure they are in clothes you don't mind getting messing 

and put down either a plastic table cloth or like me construction paper.

 Using the construction paper had the added effect of giving me another piece of artwork when they were done.

 Place the Snowflakes out and the doppers out after shaking them up 

and then let the kids go crazy...

 My 22month old son did it by himself so this is a pretty easy and cheap craft :)

Plus they had a blast and now you will also have some cute cheap ornaments for your tree

 

 If you use construction paper under the snowflakes...

 You Might just also get some pretty art for your wall or fridge

 So fun and adorable..I plan to scarpbook mine :)

 And on top of it all we made Peppermint ice cream Coco Floats...

I forgot to take a picture so I grabbed this one from the interent (This is not my photo)

*Peppermint Coco Float*

You will need Milk and half n Half

Peppermint Ice Cream

Coco Mix

*Also if you are like me you can add whip cream and crumpled peppermint bark to the top 

(If you want a adult fun version there is this amazing Pinnacle Peppermint Bark Vodka YUM)

 Add your milk and half n half together (just add it for you flavor prefrence)

Micorwave for two minutes

Put two scoops of peppermint icecream in your cups

when done warming the milk whisk in coco mix

Then poor coco over ice cream...it will float just like a float as long as your coco isn't to hot.

If desired top with Whip cream and crumbled peppermint bark

(can also add a shot (OR TWO) of that yummy vodka)

ENJOY

October Fun

It's the First Day of Christmas

It's the First Day of Christmas and my True love gave to me,

Five Beautiful babies...

And hence the Crafty Christmas...

And so It starts..

Crafty doesn't always mean you are making something. 

Sometimes it means you are coming up with something to do to make a season memorable.

But our Christmas will be filled with both...

Today is day one, of our Christmas Fun.

Today is Chocolate Chip Cookies with Mommy and the kids :)

I have an awesome Chocolate Chip Recipe My sissy Shared with me :)

We all have our special recipes :)

Just remember no matter what recipe you are using to let your children have fun with you.

My daughter turns 7 in two days and she is finally old enough to really enjoy having in the kitchen,

She is old enough to know how to be careful around the stove, 

and have arms to stir the dough :)

 I am super excited for that :) 

Can't wait to take tons of pictures to post of the kids helping me :) 

But for those of you who want to join me 

Here is the best ever Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Cream Together: Single Batch                                     Double Batch

Real Butter 1 cup                                                        2 cups

Granulated or Raw Sugar 3/4 cup                               1 1/2 cups

Brown Sugar Packed 3/4 cup                                     1 1/2 cups

Mix In:

Salt 1 tsp                                                                   1 1/2 tsp

Baking Soda 1 1/4 tsp                                               2 1/2 tsp

Beat In:

Vanilla 1 tsp                                                               2 tsp

Eggs* 2 large                                                             4 large

*If mixing by hand beat eggs before adding.

Gradually Mix In:

Flour 2 3/4 cups                                                        5 1/2 cups

Stir In:

Semi-Sweet Real 2 1/2 cups                                      5 cups

Chocolate Chips

(2 cups = 12 oz)

Optional:

Chopped Nuts 1 cup                                                 2 1/4 cups

(walnuts, pecans)

Preheat oven to 375˚ F.

Drop dough by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake at 375˚ for 13 minutes** cookies should be light golden brown.

Let cookies cool for 5 minutes before removing from cookie sheet.

**Pampered Chef Stone Cookie Sheet works the very best. If you are using a metal cookie sheet you will need to watch and time for your oven and cookie sheet.

And those are the yummiest chocolate chip cookies EVER

From the Benson Bunch to you 

ENJOY

And Merry First Day of Christmas

Answers...

I realized something the other night...

Everyone wants Answers..

You all want to know why I am so quick to..

Anger..

Get Defensive..

Shut down..

Believe the worst..

Basically you want to know why exactly I am such a bitch.

And you know I can tell you...

It's because every time I give the benefit of the doubt and let someone in they hurt me...

And it is never by accident either, that they do so.

So at this point I am just found the defensive is the best side for me to be on.

And I realized something else.

That I get it.

Why you want answers...Cause I want them to...

But although everyone wants me to give them the answer...

No one wants to give me any..

It's always I don't know

or I was a different person then..

Or my absolute fav..

Their I can't get my way so I am gonna throw a fit ...

Cause I am a bitch and a horrible person...

But no one can tell me why...

How hard is it???

It's not really they just don't have the guts to tell me the damn truth...

Why do you talk behind my back?

Because you don't have the respect for me or balls for yourself to tell me to my face...

Why do you choose your piece of shit son over me every single time when he is sitting there doing drugs and treating you like shit and I was calling you almost everyday asking about work and how life was and letting you in???

Oh because you never really wanted me and you wish I was never born and the only reason you want me in your life is because my kids are cute and you think because my Daddy is gone you get to be their fav...

Why did you walk away...when I begged you to stay...

I wish I knew the answer to this one because it eats me alive everyday...

But no one gives me the answers...and that makes me hurt...

It makes me hurt so bad that I don't want to feel anything ever again...

and since I don't believe in suicide because I refuse to take the easy way out or hurt innocent people like my children...that leaves me with one option...

Shut down...

Shut out..

and when people don't back down..

Be the biggest bitch I can be until they do...

You think I like being this person?

I don't...I miss the me I used to me...

as much as I miss the people I wish they had been to me...

I don't miss what was...it hurt me so much it broke me

I miss the what could have been..

If they had cared enough to let it be..

But now it never can...

I don't miss who they were to me...

I miss who I dreamt of them being who I prayed for them to be..

They didn't approve of my choices and my life...

they should look in a mirror...

But you know at least I can hold my head high and speak the truth..

I am human...

I may be making a mistake..but so did they

at least I admit to mine when I do make them..

At least I change...

Don't believe me..

I made a mistake trusting them with my heart because they were supposed to be my family...

And when they hurt me so much I finally broke...

Then I changed right into the strong stubborn hateful bitch I am today...

They say they want me back...

For one I don't even care what they want anymore..

And for two I wonder which me do they want...

The one they were blessed to have in their life who loved them and idolized them and wanted nothing more than their love and approval in return..

Or the broken hateful hurtful me that they turned me into...

Answers....

We all want them...

To bad none are to be found.

The Meaning of Christmas..by my children

I haven't had a lot of bookings this year for the holidays..and it's got me really down in the dumps as far as wishing I had more money to provide my kids with the one thing they have each asked for...and sadly I can't...however happily my kids are so understanding and amazing I know they will be thankful for whatever we can get them and being so down in the dumps about it when they are just so excited for as they said this morning baking cookies and making ornaments like last year that I feel horrible for being so focused on something material even if I am focused on it just because I want to spoil my prefect babies...I am thankful for my children for reminding me who I am and how I raised them. 

So this morning when they reminded me I decided to get out of the dumps,

and make this the most memorable and fun and love filled Christmas they have ever had.

I asked them what Christmas means to them.

Here are their answers...you know what they say...out of the Mouths of babes..

Cherry- Kindness, Happy Feelings, Seeing Santa, Hot coco, cookies and family movie day. 

Jaydon- Santa, decorating the tree together, cookies, coco.

Mack- Santa, Snow and coco.

Emmit- Snowmen.

And Gracie is too young to answer but I have a feeling if she could she wouldn't say anything about presents under the tree either...

Because the real presents are each other.

And the real Meaning of Christmas is LOVE.

Christmas is a time to show those in your life that matter just how much you love them.

Not by how expensive of a gift you buy them or how many gifts you give.

But by the thoughts you think of them, the time you spend with them..

The Love you share with them as you make memories.

As you have a family snowball fight,

As you make ornaments with your children.

As you cook for hours to make the prefect meal you will eat together.

As you read your children a bed time story and tuck them in on Christmas eve..

And as any parent knows getting Joy out of watching your Children open their presents..

Because half the time they love the boxes and wrapping paper more than the gifts lol.

So I am one pretty Proud Mommy this morning because my Children reminded me...

Of the true Spirit and Meaning of Christmas.

To Love one another and be together.

My Biggest Accomplishments

Many people have told me...that I was to young...that I was ruining my life.

That I should go to college first.

That I should be young first.

That I should explore first.

But they were WRONG....

You are all my greatest accomplishments.

 You are my youth..chasing you through snow and listening to your laughter..

What better way for me to be young then playing with you as you grow.

You help me explore...

When I am with you the world is more than what it is..

 The grass is a jungle where we crawl on our bellies to avoid the hunters stalking us...

The Night is a mystery filled with stories and laughter.

The Lake is a Secret World filled with Merpeople and Pirates...

They are the ones devoid of youth...

They are the ones who regret their choices so are trying to tell me how to make mine.

But I don't regret my choices...

I cherish them...all of them..

Because without my choices, I wouldn't be who or where I am today.

And I wouldn't have any of you.

You are my way to better this world.

To bring laughter and Joy to the lives of others.

To bless the universe with beauty and love.

You are my world...my blessings...

 The Best parts of me.

When I feel sorry for myself...

When I feel down in the dumps...

When my world is turned upside down...

I have you...

Each and everyone of you.

You make my world prefect...

Because you are beyond all imprefections...

You are my Children...the best and most important accomplishments of my life.

Prepping...

So the reality and Joy of Having five kids Is...

There is never any down time...

That means that although my post about Jaydon is current...

And although it scares me...

I don't have time to dwell on it...

I have five million and one things to accomplish in an average day.

Today that is such a blessing.

This week has been hard and therefore I am behind on my editing.

Which means I currently have 7 sessions I need to finish not including the wedding I shot last Month.

And I am also throwing a Halloween Party for the kids tomorrow...

Have to let them be kids <3

And in doing these things...my mind is far to occupied to worry or stress.

And by the time I hit the hay at night...my body is to wore out to let my mind dwell to much.

And I am very thankful for these things.

 So on a happier note...

Tomorrow I get to watch my babies have their first Halloween party <3

I am as excited as they are  <3

I currently have 2 cakes in the oven and soon to follow is pumpkin cookies

and even thinking about doing cupcakes as well :)

But most enjoyably I am making my Daddys Meatloaf tonight...

YUMMY :)

Hope everyone is having a great Day

The Benson Bunch

-Hey there all my lovely Followers-

So I know that those of you that actually know me, know that the last couple days 

Well the last couple months really have been pretty difficult.

You also are aware that we got some tough news yesterday.

And I know many of you are wanting to know what is going on.

I also know some of you do not know the story of how we got to where we are today.

So lets start from the beginning so we can all get on the same page.

Six years ago we found out were expecting another baby.

We Had a Beautiful little girl and we very excited when we went in for our 16week check up 

and found out we were expecting a bouncing baby boy.

Everything was normal up to that ultrasound.

Great Heart Rate, Great Growth, He was prefect.

The Ultrasound was normal during the procedure...

But three days later 

We found out that all was not normal, We got a call we never expected.

And our entire world changed.

They told us there was an anomoly and we needed to be seen by a specialist.

We went in a week later and saw the specialist and got another high tech ultrasound.

They didn't let us leave, they told us there was something wrong 

and we would need to speak to a Genetic Counsler.

I won't go into the disgusting behavior of that counsler..

But I will tell you we were told Jaydon had either had Down Syndrome 

or Trisomy of the 18th Chromosome. 

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edwards_syndrome )

And that he showed no outward signs of downsyndrome

and would likely not live once he was born.

They wanted us to get an Amnio so they could find out what was wrong.

But I refused stating that my child has a low chance of survivial I am not going to 

let you preform an uncessary test that carries a high risk of miscarriage and preterm labor.

When I finally went into Labor at 42wks and 2days I was petrified...

But I had a plan I would give birth to my sweet boy and his daddy and I and Sissy would love him for every

moment we were blessed to have him.

Daddy and I had already agreed if it was Genetic we would not be having anymore children.

But then....

I gave Birth To a handsome NOT SO LITTLE man

Jaydon Zane Benson

Born 5/11/2008

9lbs 3oz 21 3/4in

And he was PREFECT...God there was everything so prefect about him

He came out screaming and wiggling and the nurse handed him to me..

And I looked down into his big beautiful eyes and I was in love.

And then I went to hand him to his Daddy and a nurse swooped him and grabbed him.

I nearly lunged off the bed. I had already told them how it was supposed to be.

He was supposed to be handed straight to me and then I was going to put him in his Daddy's arms 

and big sissy was to come in and be with him.

But they took him and put him in the warming bed and ran out of the room with him.

And I panicked...He was prefect and they were taking him away.

My blood pressure skyrocketed and I screamed at Devon to follow them.

Devon went running out of the room as I was bleeding out on the table.

I didn't calm down until I was reminded I needed to get the bleeding to slow down,

I had Cherry to think about to.

And then I got the text.

He had respiatory distress and he had to have a breathing tube.

He was in the NICU.

But he was okay...for now.

They ran their tests..but they didn't know what was wrong.

They just knew it wasn't genetic disorder.

The next couple years was filled with Nuerologists, Therapy, and more Questions than answers.

There have been Many triumphs.

When he said mama and dada for the first time.

His First smile. When he Walked at 15months.

Everytime he did what they said he never would be able to we jumped for joy.

We watched him grow...so in love with the little man God had blessed us with.

But for every triumph

There were stumbles and Mountains

We found He was extrememly farsighted. 

That he might need exteremly painful bone surgery, every couple years.

And so on and so forth.

We kept on going strong as a family not letting any of it hold us back.

He went to pre-school.

He had all the fun other kids had and did all the things other kids did...

He just had to work 10times harder.

But he reached milestone after milestone.

And our Family grew :)

He took very well to being a big bubba

And then in Nov. 2011

We Moved to Eastern Wa

And we started rebuilding his medical team

And we got a New nuerologist...who finally had a diagnosis

After looking at his prior MRI results for not even five minutes she said..

He had a stroke in utero...

We still don't know why...nor will we ever

But at least we knew what.

And then we Moved to Spokane in January

And he started getting therapy and things were looking up

And then school started

and suddenly Jaydon wasn't adapting well.

And he was acting out.

He was getting violent and misbehaving

Which is not at all like my Jaydon

 And so we had to re-evaluate his IEP

and things like ADHD

and Dyslexia

and Learning Disorders

started being discussed..

And my world felt upside down

and before I could fully process that...

The puking started...and my instincts screamed that something wasn't right

but I was scared I didn't want to put him through more tests.

My poor boy was tired...

So tired and I could see it everyday in his face and his actions.

But when we went in for our yearly visit with his Nuerologist, she said we should get and EEG

and we did...

And Yesterday we got the results...

And once again my world turned upside down...

Jaydon has Epilepsy...

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epilepsy )

Typing that...admitting it...facing it...

It's scary...

Now I know you want to say

It's treatable..

It could be worse..

You'll make it through...

 I NEED you to remember...what I said 8 lines up

My world has turned upside down...

Does anybody know the theory about that...

Given three days and everyting will look right again...

I need TIME...that is what I am asking...

I know it could have been worse..

But this is my baby...

I grew him inside of me..

We will never know what caused his stroke...

But his stroke IS what caused everything else...

And I had one job as his mother...

Keep him safe and grow him healthy.

It could have been anything...

Me having a cold...me laying wrong..

and it may not have been anything I did...

BUT it doesn't matter how many times you tell me it's not my fault or that I shouldn't blame myself

I will ALWAYS feel like it is and I will always blame myself.

It's not that I don't love everything about my son and everything he is.

He is prefect to me...

But this is my baby...

given a choice I would not have chosen to make his path more difficult.

To not make it easy for him to be a kid.

And yes I know I am not the one who gets to make that choice.

That's obvious or we wouldn't be having this little explination.

God made that choice.

And God doesn't give anyone more than they can handle. 

But that doesn't mean that I can't bulk under the pain of the burden.

It doesn't mean I can't ache for my baby to have a simpler childhood and be able to play soccer with his sister, instead of having to tell him not this year baby.

Cause I know after therapy 4days of week outside of school.

As well as at school and full day kindergarten...

He doesn't have the energy or strength to let him do something that he actually WANTS to do.

But now he has one more obstacle to endure.

And THAT is what I am dealing with.

It's not just a treatable diagnosis to me..

IT IS MY BABY... It is HIS LIFE...

And each time we deal with something I think okay I can handle this...

Okay we will be okay..He wil be okay

we have him and we are blessed because he is here...

But DAMN it I AM HUMAN okay...

I am allowed to ache...

Because this isn't just some treatable condition to me...

It's my child...it's MY son..

It's his life...

And it's a painful reminder that no matter what I do...no matter how I pray..

This isn't my choice it's not in my hands...

It's in Gods...and Given time I will accept that

and I will trust in him as I have done with every other step of this we have been through...

But you need to remember I am Human and this is my baby...

and it's a reminder to me...that I never know what's around the corner

and lately all it is has been more for my poor child to overcome...

For my baby to deal with...

and now I am scared...WHAT ELSE...

That is what is scaring me...

And yes it is treatable...

He will be starting his medicine tomorrow

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxcarbazepine )

 And I pray he doesn't have the very rare side effect...

But the very common side effect is Drowsiness...

Because that's just what my overly worked baby needs...

I get it...

It's not earth shattering...To you

But he is five and I have to tell him no 

when he is working so hard...

To do what your child can do much easier...

So Judge me if you must..

But judge me not for my weakness...

If you must Judge me for my strength...

The strength of my love as a mother...

-GOD BLESS-

The Benson Bunch

*I might hurt I might cry,

 I might shake in fury as I scream why...

But when the thurder has left my veins,

When my hurt and anger drains...

There you will be sweet and loved,

A gift sent from God above.

He gave me you in the dark of night,

A broken body but a faith so bright.

Your heart is loving and your soul is whole,

You have helped me learn and heal my soul.

I know I am weak but you make me strong,

And you are the story God had for me all along.

So I bow my head as my weak heart bleeds,

For I will pray to be the mother my child needs.

God gave me you so I must be worthy,

Because the love I feel is unearthly.

You are a piece of the family God built for me,

You are the strength within I forever need.

-Nancy Benson

Oct. 25th 2013

- I may have my moments of weakness but that is the Joy of my life...When I am weak I have others

who hold me up. Those that bring me Joy and help be have faith.

We are a family and we are strong

We will overcome this and anything else that comes our way...

TOGETHER